B-Day

Right... another year bites the dust.  I often wonder why we feel compelled to make a big deal of these days.  I mean, like after age 29 we shouldn't continually be expecting a big whoop unless, of course, it is a milestone... like 40, 50, 60, etc. Once every 10 years is good enough for me.

Then again... looking back makes you appreciate that you actually have made life happen one more year.  At a time where life is precarious at the best of times, this is a deal.   And for some of us, it's a big deal.  I am constantly torn by being in awe of making it another year, and being totally dejected because I have wasted another one. So much of my life is filled with nothingness. I can waste an entire day(s) doing it.  It's something I am chronic at... being a master procrastinator... I have been for as long as I can remember.  But, when it gets to the crunch, I can get it done, and sometimes my best work happens like this.  However, it is a trait I despise because so much time is wasted... literally.  Another trait (since we're going there) that I struggle with is perfectionism.  I know, I know... you'd have never guessed that by looking at me, but trust me... if I can't do it the way I need it to be done, I just won't do it.   Take writing for example...  I kinda like writing.  I've been told I'm a good writer, and should pursue it seriously.  I have always talked about writing a novel, and remember talking about that in my 20's.  So, here I am, in my fiddies, still talking about it. Yada, yada, yada.  Have a ton of excuses to cover my ass with, but the reality is that I don't want to write something so-so.  I wanna write something spectacular.  And the truth is, I don't believe I've got it in me.  I struggle with the process, I agonize over every sentence and edit myself constantly.  I am not prolific like some writers... it's painful at times.  And yet, every once in awhile a phrase or sentence will come oozing from my brain and out these fingers that surprises me.  It's good. It works.  I can use that.  So, herein lies the conundrum. Do I write and not care, or write only if it's worthy?   I'm not sure I know the answer yet.  In the meantime, I will attempt at working this blog in hopes that it will keep me motivated and fluid.  But, I digress...

Now, back to birthdays.  I think a good bottle of wine and a great dinner is warranted, don't you?  Large diamonds would work too, but I don't think that's in the cards.  I ordered some gizmo online that's supposed to help firm up droopy facial skin and banish wrinkles that I must give a whirl. Oh, vanity, vanity.  I don't know what happened to my face... it feels like it's sliding right off the bone.  I think that's the hardest part of this aging thing.  I used to be told I looked so much younger than my actual age... not anymore!  Nope, gone are the days of being carded at clubs and pubs!  Now I just get these, 'let me help you to your seat, ma'am' looks from the security as I'm ushered straight in.  Not that I visit clubs and pubs all the time... I don't at all.  but wouldn't it be nice to hear those words again?  "Can I see some ID miss?" *sigh*  Them were the good days.

PS: My eldest son is security at a local club/restaurant.  I am going to insist he cards me!
PPS:  I have now edited this piece 4 times.  Just sayin'...