Report card

I've discovered that being a parent is hard.  Really hard.  Most of the time you are just going by gut feeling and a prayer, hoping you aren't failing miserably.  The question is, how do you know?  There are moments of feeling like you've got it down, baby; the machinery is running full speed ahead and purring like a kitten.  You smile, sit back and wait for the kudos.  They never come.  Because as anyone who has gone before can attest to, the machine can, and will, break down.  The proverbial wrench must be thrown.

When you are young and you've just gotten that sweet little bundle of love home, it feels like the process is fairly straightforward... you've read all the books, and now you just have to sit back and reach all the milestones.  With any luck, you've got a mom or elder woman within an arms or phones reach that can give support.  Otherwise, it's a crap shoot mixed in with common sense.  I don't know why there can't be some kind of evaluation process to let you know if you're on the right track or not.  Then again, I've known parents who seem to have done everything right and yet their children flounder and fall.  So, how does one know?

I read a book a few years back written and compiled by moms of sons, who did it all right yet their boys fell into all manner of trouble; some made it back, some didn't.  The thing that I found so extraordinary is that none of them ever lost hope; never stopped praying for them; never stopped loving them.  The sons who made it through can't stop saying how important that was... knowing that someone still believed in them and never wrote them off.  I guess that's the kicker, isn't it?  Loving enough to not give up, even when the report card is all 'F's'.  Loving enough to suppress the rage and frustration when it's all you know how to feel anymore.  Loving enough to not show disappointment when you see them making the same mistake over and over again.  Loving enough to say 'no' and, ultimately,  loving  enough to let go.

I look around at all these young moms and wonder how it will be for them... will their child be one of the easy kids?   The ones that seem to do all the right things?  Or will they be faced with the heartache of their son or daughter floundering and falling hard?  It's a rough world out there and so much of it is dark... we can't protect them from it.  We can give direction and point the way, but it's their road to travel; their lessons to learn.  All we can really do as parents is love.


No matter what.