In the eyes of the beholder

We live it, we breath it, we practice it without even knowing, yet we proudly insist we do not discriminate.

I have been pondering this problem a lot today as I find myself on both sides of the label. I've come to believe there is an innate human quality in us all that feeds the need to put people into specific groupings.   I would like to challenge you to take someone, anyone you know and not have the ability to categorize them.  You can't.  Everyone falls into one.  So, it's not too hard to see how easy it is, once these people are grouped together, to start making generalizations.  From then on it's just a matter of time before the negative starts to appear through the cracks and voila! a discrimination is born.  (NB: See 'blonde jokes')  I am ________, therefore I must be _______.

We're all culpable, everyone of us.   Mostly it's lighthearted and easily brushed aside, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes the discrimination hurts, and hurts deeply.  It is far too easy to use words as weapons, striking hard and fast to slay our targets.  We are a culture of openness and transparency, which in itself is a good thing, but we have lost the fine art of etiquette; of grace.  There is a fine line between honesty and cruelty when opinions are invited, and it is turning us into bullies.  In some bizarre way we are championing the 'last man standing' mindset, telling ourselves it makes us somehow powerful.  It's a lie.


I am different than the average joe so I know what it feels like to be stared at, having opinions formed about me on first impressions.   I have felt discrimination, but I have also been guilty of the same crime.   Neither side feels good. Our worth as a person should not be judged by our race, creed, religion, gender, social status or physical attributes, but by the 'content of our characters' (thank you MLK). When that happens is when we truly gain power.

So let's be nice to one another, ok?

Oh, and yes... I am blonde.  Peace out.

A rose by any other name

...sono una cagna,
...ich bin ein weibchen
...ik ben een wijfje
...soy una perra
...je suis une chienne


I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  Am having a particularly virulent case of self-loathing today and there just doesn't seem to be a way around it outside of 40 lashes and a hair shirt.  Oh, and did I mention that I have a new chin pimple and my timing sucks?  Yup.  We are having guests for dinner tonight. Hah!  (I foresee a lot of wine in my immediate future.)  No worries... Dan's not the only actor in the family!  I can fake a good time with the best of them.  Yes, a good time shall be had by all... my husband who goes on and on about anything & everything; my elder son who is a narcissist for whom the world owes a living; myself who is of no value and likes to wallow in the pain of being; and of course our unsuspecting guests.  Who wouldn't enjoy an evening like this?!!  Sounds like something out of 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'.

I feel sorry for them already...


PS: Bought myself some wine today so I will slosh my way through.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

Hmmph

I was reading an article a while back on toxic relationships and it said that there are times when you just have to 'divorce' those people in your life who drag you down and bleed you dry.  I've been thinking about that and rolling it around in my head wondering how exactly does one do that?  What would that look like?  Do you make up a divorce decree and present it to them?  Write a 'Dear John' letter (it's not you, it's me) and tell them you are breaking up?  Ignore them indefinitely until they go away? Move and not leave a forwarding address? The article neglected to spell out those details.

Sometimes I feel like I wanna divorce everybody so I don't have to be hurt or disappointed for awhile. Just put the 'closed for business' sign up and lock the doors.  And when I say everybody, I mean everyone... friends, husbands, kids, sisters, dogs, neighbours, assorted family members, the butcher, the baker... you name it!  I don't wanna see, hear, smell or feel anybody in my personal space. That would be nice, wouldn't it?  Calm, quiet, peaceful and stressless... not forever, but long enough to heal the soul and strengthen yourself for the battle.  Long enough to know you'd kind of like to connect with someone.   Getting antsy for simple conversation.

Now that I think of it, I did kinda do that once.  I went to the Cook Islands by myself when I turned 50 and I got to spend a lot of time alone.  I loved it.  Some people can't tolerate that kind of isolation, but I grew up being by myself, so I am used to it.  The trick is knowing when enough is enough and not too much.  It's easy to isolate oneself to the point of becoming detached and totally withdrawn; easy to fall into dark places.  It's a fine line.  Balance is required.

So, is 'divorcing' your people  the only way to get that?  No, obviously not. However sometimes, divorce is ones last hope for survival.

Quake

I stand transfixed
Amidst the wars and horror
watching daily this
   flight for life, this
       fight for free
  All hell breaks loose
    so different, yet
      not so, 
as we count in thousands
 those innocents fallen.

How does one suffer?
  with all abundance
squandered for the good life
we wrap our shame in 'God's blessing'
and write our checks in His name.

This is so fleeting
  these days of plenty
    this act of we the right
Complacent in our apathy
     we've grown numb 
      while the hurt of humanity
  plays out on our screens,
    we gasp our displeasure,
       we squeeze out a tear.


For it is not us.

We are the chosen
beloved and coddled
 living off the land of the free
   sheltered, somnolent
in these hours of need
  for death does not knock
     on all doors the same

And we are safe once more.

World Gone Wild

I feel pounded on; beat up and bruised... it's been a very bad week.  It is getting increasingly hard to find delight in a world that seems to be imploding on itself.  The news reports are filled with wars and devastation; killings and catastrophes.  How do you not let it affect you?  How do you not fall on your knees weeping for all the innocent lives lost?  Libya is being decimated by a crazed dictator who insists on complete obedience to his will and kills anyone who marches for a free democratic country.  Japan gets hit with a record breaking earthquake and aftershocks that sends tsunamis destroying everything in its path.  Thousands killed; possible nuclear meltdown; trillions of dollars in damage.  America on the verge of economic collapse, being called upon once more to act. The U.N. standing back and watching while innocent civilians are being hunted like animals; afraid to take a hard stand.  And here we sit; glued to our computers and big screen TV's watching it like it's the next movie blockbuster.  Who do we help? How do we help?  Where will the next disaster hit?  When will it be our turn? 

Having gone through 2 summers of serious fires here in the Okanagan, I kinda know how uncertain and scary acts of God can be, though nothing like what is happening in Japan.  People do rise to the occasion and many acts of pure heroism are demonstrated, but in a situation of this magnitude, it becomes overwhelming. Thailand is still healing; New Orleans and Haiti are still far from being put back together... it just seems too big.  Too much carnage to fix.  Where do we start?  Is this the beginning of the end?

I often wonder about our kids and what they'll have to deal with in their lifetimes. It would be nice to think it won't be hard, but that is unrealistic.  As we become more and more advanced, we fall further under the weight of greed and power.  Mankind is a scary animal; at times willing to eat its own young. 

I do not envy God in his position as judge... we never seem to learn.

(I recognize this post is rather disjointed and flips around for which I apologize.  It's just been that kind of a week... shock and horror; anger and sadness.)

I Dream of Enigma

It was one of those dreams that wakes you up and haunts you; the kind that keeps you from sleep as you desperately try and figure out what it means.  I've often questioned if dreams are a communication of sorts, or just the creative idle of a resting brain as it powers down to REM mode.  Is there a message in there or is it merely electrons and neutrons on rapid fire, randomly triggering information as they bounce around the various nooks and crannies of our brain?   I just don't know.

I am a prolific dreamer.  As my family can attest, I quite often dream about meeting and interacting with various male celebrities. They tend to always want to be with me.  There is kissing involved.  If I was to analyze this I would say that shows a warped need for validation, no?  Either that or I am seriously seeing too many movies.  I don't really have scary dreams, but I do have reoccurring ones.  These always involve lovely blue waters and me diving into it, or swimming under it completely free, with no need to breathe.  Just a strong, untiring, constant movement through water.  What makes this interesting is that though I love water, I can't swim, am scared of drowning and have very little breathing capacity.  So in light of that, I kinda get it.  The dream represents release; unfettered freedom.  These dreams are my happy place.

There have been on occasion dreams about my mother.  Not many, but when I have had them, they are always sweetly profound.  These are the ones that really make me question where they are coming from, especially now as I age.  There is a bible verse (Joel 2:28) that states, "... your old men will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions.", so I wonder sometimes if we are being spoken to but just too dense to get it.  I'd like to think that in some instances, we are being counseled through our dreams.  If they make you think; makes you ponder on the issue, that's got to be a good thing, right?  My dream last night involved my mother, however it didn't fit the usual criteria and that, in itself, is disturbing.  This dream hit a nerve and I woke feeling raw and a little bit sad... kind of like when you peel back a scab before you're totally healed and you regret it.  This dream stung.

I'm going to have to figure this one out; I'm going to have to recalibrate. 

I'm sure Carl Jung would have a field day with me.