Non reason

Lately I've noticed myself becoming unreasonable.  Not so much with other people, but rather with myself.  Sometimes I err in using much stricter rules when evaluating my own actions.   I wonder if that is because I really know, deep down, that I can do better, or rather if it's just a misguided way to garner sympathy and get ego stroked.  Maybe it's a combo?  I don't know, but I do find it frustrating and a hard habit thing to control.

I know I am forever uncomfortable with my physical package.  I'm automatically cynical of other people who have physical quirks and claim they totally accept their 'beauty'.  Like, they expect me to believe they don't wake up wondering what their lives would look like if they hadn't been so afflicted?  Oh, sure, maybe not everyday but certainly at times.  When you see gorgeous women who are successful and confident, that thought just pops up in your head... if it had only been me.  And at once you feel both jealousy and guilt which when mixed together often translates to anger and backbiting.

They say women are catty. We are.  It comes to us naturally and I think it is because we have been taught from a very early age that beauty is something to strive towards.  As women, we are by nature of our species, needing to be attractive to the male so as to secure a mate. It's simple biology with a dash of chemistry.  Still, it can be frustrating when men are also taught from a very early age, to objectify women, therefore judging the book by its cover.  (NB: I am very much generalizing here.)  The point is, we are a product of our environment.   There is this tribe in Niger, Africa called the Wodaabe who actually switch the whole game around.  Firstly, they are a particularly good looking tribe to begin with, but the Wodaabe men are the ones who are primped and painted to be put on display for the women.  The women stand and watch as the group of men strut and click, showing off their white eyes and teeth (big selling features).  The woman picks the man she wants to take to her bed. Oh, and did I mention that she can sleep with as many men as she wants to... married or not?  No big whoop. I kinda like that these guys get to feel the hot sting of rejection based on how they looked to these women.  A little bit of payback?  Me thinketh so.

rosemarysheel photography     

Nevertheless, the point here is that it's not acceptable regardless of which side of the gender fence you stand on.  We need to strive for a deeper connection and judge accordingly.  I need to learn to accept that maybe, just maybe my value is in the content of my character, and that should be good enough.  Let's just see if I can walk the talk.

Oh, and please pass the Wodaabe...!