Aaaaaaaaaand, I'm back.
It's been one of those weeks that just hits you with a closed fist and sends you staggering back to your corner, which in turn, tends to put writing in second place to keeping yourself from imploding. I know that sounds uber dramatic, but that's definitely how it felt. Nevertheless, just when you think you're gonna have to pack 'er in, something happens to remind you that what you're experiencing is a valid hot mess, for sure, but it's not terminal. And that something is when your BFF comes along side you, puts her arm around you and holds on tight. That happened to me this weekend, and it's a feeling like none other.
All too often in life we hunker down and bear our burdens in stoic silence, only to hear the voices in our own heads constantly juggle our thoughts, fears, options and analysis in hopes that we can come up with a tangible solution. Most times it just makes it worse because you are always obsessing under the weight of it, never sure if what you're feeling is legitimate or if your perception is totally skewed because if that was the case, your conclusions and plans would also be skewed. Which would then put you right back at square one. It gets messy and it gets so heavy.
I went to my bff's home last evening where we shared a meal, a bottle of wine, and spoke late into the night. Being we've known each other for 30 years and have gone through most of life's challenges together, we have that comfort that makes the whole process of sharing less threatening. We instinctually know how we both use analysis and logic to work things out. She asks the right questions for me to give her authentic answers and then we work the problem together... without judgement or disdain. She 'has my back' and gives counsel accordingly. And that is just what I needed. To be given the ability to vent out all the toxic waste floating around ones psyche is in itself, a gift. To be able to sift through it and help put it into proper prospective is a treasure. She understands me, and even if we hardly ever see each other I always know that when the shit hits the fan, she will be there. And visa-versa. It's what real friends do for each other and I truly believe that women have an innate ability to form that kind of relationship. Sometimes sisters or other family fill that role, sometimes you can forge that kind of friendship with a man, but it happens most often with other women folk. We are wired for deep relationships, so we 'get' it. We understand the intricate web of womanhood and the emotions that run through it. We understand the fears and complex conflicts we women struggle with daily. It's all about the 'relating' part of relationship. It is golden, and yet we often undervalue those roles, putting them secondary to kids and husbands and jobs when in reality, when the kids disappoint us and our partnerships fracture and the job gets pulled out from under us, it is those very friendships that tend to keep us afloat. Men often get kudos for their strength, but I think in many ways, women are stronger, especially women united, because they are often the ones that hold it all together when everything around them is falling apart. And that takes strength.
I woke up today feeling hopeful and yes, feeling grateful, something I haven't felt in a long time. I thank God and my bff for blessing me by being here when I needed it.
Oh, and the sun was shining. Thanks for that, too!
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