I can't believe it is already January 3rd. It feels like I lost a month somewhere in the shuffle. Nothing has changed really, and yet everything has. We're into another year that, according to the Mayans, will be our last. That puts a lot of pressure on it to be something spectacular, which makes me nervous. How do you do enforce spectacular? It seems like a big job.
No snow. We have no snow and it's January. Usually that's when the real winter fun begins and we are socked in for a good 2 months, ending our winter with another month of dirt, slush and sand covering the roads and walkways. The only positive thing about January is that you know that in a few months, you hit SPRING! Spring is my most favourite season... I revel in it. Maybe spring will bring with it my spectacular this year! I hope so; I could use it.
I guess my biggest challenge now is facing the inevitable: both sons leaving for the long haul. It'll be hard for me, but they have the right to embrace their own spectacular, so it's good they go. When I'm not missing them, I am actually really excited for the experiences they will be creating. I've come to the conclusion that it's the realization that they are creating them on their own, with no help from us as parents, that throws me off. This seismic shift of control transfer sends the message that somehow, without your knowledge, you've become redundant... and it happens so fast you become confused and disoriented as to what to do now. That's where I'm at right now.
Disoriented. And somehow, once it's all over but the crying, I have to now figure out who am I... what's my job description gonna be? The unknown always scares me.
I guess I have no other choice but to forge ahead and hope that somewhere in this life, I'll find a bigger purpose.
Now that would be spectacular.
That's why we're going to have 30 kids - so that by the time we're empty nesters, we'll be desperate to get rid of the last one :)
ReplyDeleteLenore I think I finally figured this blog comment thing out!
ReplyDeleteThis is my 3rd attempt so hope it works.
I hear you on the finding our purpose now. I've been trying to find mine for awhile and while waiting the grandchildren have filled the gap. It is a tough transition to suddenly realize the only person left to talk to is your husband, who in my case doesnt say much. I think it's our time to be selfish and just have fun. Enjoy finding your self again!