Life longing

There's something going on... I can feel it.  You know how you get a sense of anticipation, like when you know an event is happening, and yet you have no prior knowledge.  Do people have a 6th sense? I've often wondered...

This year we have ventured outside the box and actually have our Christmas lights and deco's up and running. This is totally out of character for me, as I'm always so disgusted with the commercialism of Christmas that I hold off for as long as possible.  Don't get me wrong; I do love Christmas... it's just all the crazy that gets attached to it that I detest.

My dad was always so good to tell us about his Christmases growing up.  They lived on a farm in a very small village in central Alberta called Hay Lakes.  Every Christmas Eve my grandpa would hitch the horses to the big sled, toss in some heated rocks and a bundle of quilts and then all 10 of them would pile in for their travels to dad's grandparents house a few miles away in another village.  As they rounded the bend and approached the house, they could see a multitude of candles that great grandma would put in every window pane to welcome them home... (I can almost see it now!)  Once there, they would have a traditional dinner of Swedish meatballs, lefsa, pickled herring and krumcaka for desert.  Next was the program... this is where every child would recite the verse or part they were given for the Sunday School program recently performed, and then sing carols.  After that, each child got a present from the grandparents.  It was a new pair of either socks or mitts, lovingly made by grandma.  I, by some great fortune, still have one of those pairs of socks that I used to wear when ice skating on the slough.  As the festivities ended, the kids hopped back in the sleigh for the cold trip home.   I know it sounds kinda Hallmark, but it is what really happened, and we loved hearing it every Christmas.  That's  how I'd like to do Christmas; simple, warm and loving.  My sisters and I have managed to rescue some of those traditions but when you live hundreds of miles apart it is hard to capture the feeling of a gathering.  Every few years we try and organize a big family Christmas and it just makes it so special, yet they are getting harder to pull off as kids marry and have families of their own.  With both sets of parents gone, we are left to make our own traditions.

So, here I am, left with a feeling of anticipation that I can't quite put a finger on.  Maybe it's been triggered by the decorations up; maybe I'm anticipating Christmas.  With Dan coming home it will be the last time we'll all be together before Simon heads off to Basic Training, so that in itself makes it special...
and bittersweet.  Change is coming...

I don't know if I'm ready.