Mind over Teen matter

 I was driving in my car today and the radio was playing the song, "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry; a fluffy, summer fun song that has no purpose but to entertain.  I normally go into auto-mode and start singing along to the catchy tune, but this time I didn't.  This time I refrained from adding vocals and actually listened to the words.  It describes a summer experiencing that intense first love; all the heat and forbidden fruit that becomes obsession, leading up to the moment of acquiescence where all logical thought and reason is suspended.  It's such a heady, powerful time in ones life and I started to really think on that era (so long past) and recreate that mindset; seeing if it was possible to understand that in hindsight.  I was somewhat surprised at how easy it was to go there... to really remember how that age felt and the constant questioning of ourselves and our actions.  All that crazy anxiety and frustration and anger and excitement wrapped up in raging hormones and pimples.  I think many of us hated that time in our lives because so much was going on in and around us, but we were held back by age and parental policing.  We all wanted to be older so we could be permitted to 'do' stuff we felt we had the right to do.  And older we got...

Jump forward 40 years and you wonder what all the rush was about.  Yes, age brings with it certain allowances, but it also brings with it lots of 'stuff' you never wanted to pack in the carry-on.  Age brings with it the cold, hard realities of life that you were sheltered from as a child. I look at my own kids now and I desperately want to shield them from some of that, yet know that I can't.  Their independence, their utter survival won't allow it.  I am forced to stand aside and watch them hit the walls, providing bandaids as needed.  Yet watching it makes you feel it all over again, so one is constantly juggling the good memories with the bad.

I returned from our vacay to an house devoid of offspring.  Dan had sorted out and packed up all his stuff for the (permanent?) move to Alberta and the start of the next chapter of his life.  It took me 4 days before I could go into his room and when I finally did venture in it hit me.  He was gone now, probably for good. That realization brings an ache like no other.  I just laid on his bed staring at the vacant walls and let the tears roll.  There was nothing else I could do but grieve this finishing of a book that I had 21 years vested in.  Oh, sure, I know I still have the opportunity to edit, but the bones, the guts are all there now; there is no re-do.   I am so grateful that Simon is still in Kelowna so I don't completely have to go cold turkey.  He's just going to have to accept the fact that I will require hugging upon every encounter.  That's not too much to ask, is it??

And now, back to the song...  1974... 4 of us cruising Main St. in Campbell River... a magnum of Baby Duck tucked under the seat... converging in the mall parking lot... waitin' for a party to happen.  Born. To. Be. Wild.  

Ah... memories.