In-fighting

Break out the hairshirt... it's been one of those days.  And by 'those days' I am referring to the ones where you walk around in a semi daze with neck tension and a stress headache caused by all the cat scratching and infighting within ones own head.  There is no escape from myself; I just can't ignore me and walk away no matter how much I want to. Should I or shouldn't; yes or no?  Both sides of the equation have valid points. There's that constant fear of not making the right choices; of setting myself up for more defeat.  I don't want to be more defeated... I want to do something right, from start to finish so I can have something positive to spring off of.  Even this, my blog, feels forced of late.  Like I'm trying too hard and am sounding desperate. My blog is clogged... bogged and clogged.  Mirrors my life.  Just need the shoes to match.  *sigh*  This is getting depressing...

Going through this makes me understand the concept of 'mid-life crisis' so much better.  I won't be so glib about it from now on.  It's difficult to transition out of endings and into new beginnings without rattling a few chains.  Some of us go through seismic shifts while others experience nothing more than a little blip on their radar. It's a complicated time of teaching old dogs new tricks. Is it any wonder that some go off the deep end and decide they want to start over at, say 25 years, with the hot cars, hot girls, and fresh ink?  Caaa-ray-zee times.  I think sometimes we are suddenly surprised by our own unimportance in the worldview.  Where we used to pick up speed and mass when rolling down that hill, now we're just slowly sliding down the other side dropping body parts.  However, I don't believe there is no longer value to our lives after the kids have gone and we struggle to stay viable.  It's just finding the right niche where we can bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever... Edelweiss, edelweiiiiiiiiss.  (oops... that was my inside voice, wasn't it?)

So, I end this clogged, bogged blog no more enlightened then when I started.  I do, however, have an uncanny desire to watch 'The Sound of Music'...

Bloom and grow, baby.